Canada

After my aunts sudden passing I decided that I needed to make the trip up to Canada and be with my family during this trying time in our lives. Though it was under heartbreaking circumstances, it was very special for me to be with my family so that we could all grieve together. The funeral was the saddest, and at the same time the most beautiful service. The spirit was so strong there, I'm sure my Aunt Laura would have been pleased. Here are some pictures from the trip. 

 Me and Lizzy Lou with our Asian pose.

 Brady Bear, aka Darth Vader. He is such a sweetheart!

 Saturday night we all went to Shaun and Dana's place. I don't think we have ever had a get together with cousins only, but it was a blast!

Me and Normy:)

It was extremely difficult for me to be away from Josh for four days. Especially because we could only communicate through text:( But I was so grateful to have the opportunity to spend with my family. I feel very blessed to have such amazing people in my life. 

Valentines Day

Josh and I don't make a huge deal out of Valentines Day. I honestly think its a little silly to spend a ridiculous amount of money to show someone you love them just one day out of the year. When you are truly in love Valentines should be celebrated everyday. A couple years ago Josh and I decided we would celebrate by writing each other love letters each year.

Yesterday we received some very unsettling news, my aunt suddenly passed away in her sleep. It was a complete shock and totally unexpected. It just goes to show we never know when I time on earth will be through. We should really live each day like its our last because it may be. So hold your sweetheart a little closer tonight, it just might be your last chance. I have a very difficult time with death. I understand that it is an essential part of the plan. But I just cant fathom how someone can be here one minute, and gone the next. I wonder if she knew what was going to happen. I wonder what she dreamed about that night. I wonder if she woke up at all before she returned to our Father in Heaven. So many unanswered questions. My heart and prayers go out to her family. Her husband, a now single father. Her children, the four people that she brought into this world. I can't imagine losing my mom. It seems so impossible. But nothing is impossible. I am just grateful that I have nothing but happy memories of my beautiful aunt. She was always so kind to me, always so fun to be around. She is and will forever be greatly missed.

Josh was so sweet to me after he heard the news, he made arrangements to take a personal day from work so that I wouldn't be home alone all night. For over an hour we snuggled on the love sac as I just sobbed trying to sort out the new reality. I'm sure this stuff happens everyday, but you never think it could happen to you. It didn't even happen to me, it happened to someone very close to me though. One of the reasons I take death so hard is because I am such an empathetic person. I feel the pain of those around me, and I put myself in their shoes. I never want my time with Josh to be through. Thanks to the gospel it never will be. It may be temporarily postponed, but we have Eternity together.

Believe in Yourself

Last week I attended Time Out For Women with my family. It was a very empowering experience. The presenters gave great speeches, and the performers sang beautiful songs. One of the songs specifically stuck out to me, and has been on my mind ever sense. Part of the chorus said something like "I believe in God, but I don't always believe in me" That is exactly the way I have been feeling lately, and it really brought me comfort to know that I am not the only one. I never doubt the fullness of blessings in the gospel but lately I have done nothing but doubt myself. I got to the point where looking in the mirror would make me cringe. Every time I got dressed in the morning looking down at my body made me sick. And then it hit me. If I do believe in God, and he created me, there is no reason for me not to believe in myself. I thought I was being honest with myself admitting that I don't like the way my face and my body look. But I was wrong. I was only doubting the creation that God made. To be honest, I need to get to the point where I feel comfortable in my own skin again. So for starters, I began working out. Going to the gym, practicing yoga and other strength training exercises. And let me tell you, I see a world of difference. It has only been a week but already I have increased energy and self esteem. Just knowing that I am working on improving myself, makes me feel like a stronger person. The other day when I was doing cardio at the gym, within the first 10 minutes I felt like I was going to buckle to the ground. So in order to keep going, I put a smile on my face, and for the next twenty minutes I silently cheered myself on, "You're doing so well!" "You can do this! Almost half way done!" "YES more than half way done!" "If I can do the first 20 minutes I can definitely do the next 10!" It sounded lame in my head, and writing it out just now, sounds even more lame! Haha, but I don't care because it worked. I made it through my full 30 minutes of cardio when I felt like quitting after the first 10. By believing in myself I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. I've been all about 'mind over matter' lately and it hasn't let me down yet. So even when you feel like giving up, don't let yourself down. Remember that you CAN overcome challenging things.